Living Trinity
artwork by Lois Huey-Heck
by Lois Huey-Heck
Months before Carol Ann Gotch invited me to illustrate her new book Trinity of Egos, I drew this figure as part of a study on archetypes that I was blessed to be doing with her. Throughout that study, Carol Ann’s work on the three egos had inspired my path towards integration. The little figure that had come to me during the archetype study seemed to belong in the book in a particular place.
I sent the first draft of formatted pages to Carol Ann at Touchstone, the retreat house on the east shore of Lake Winnipeg, where she lives and offers personal retreats. Shortly after she received the package, she sent this email:
“A friend was over the other day and I showed her your drawing for the section Developing our Earthly Bodies. She immediately said, "Oh, that reminds me of the American Bittern, the brown heron, that we see here in the Manitoba marshes." I thought, what a beautiful connection to your drawing. The heron stands erect and freezes. It trusts its concealing colouration when approached by other herons. When an observer is nearby, this bird will often raise its head, point its bill skyward, and sway slowly from side to side, as if imitating waving reeds. If this does not describe our earthly existence! You caught it, Lois. Thought you would enjoy this meditative reflection as I sit with the American Bittern. I am going to nickname this drawing 'Am-Bit’ a name that keeps my compulsions lovingly before me.”
Isn’t that quite the concept – that we receive the grace of "keeping my compulsions lovingly before me!"
So often in spiritual accompaniment, we meet souls who are waging war on their ego. It’s largely what prompted Carol Ann to write Trinity of Egos. People speak of dying to their ego, of killing the ego or they experience shame to be caught in their egoic self. I have been uneasy with this response in myself and in others ever since encountering Marion Woodman’s Jungian understanding of ego. Woodman taught that eliminating our ego is a very western idea. In eastern thought, attempting to exile the ego is deemed impossible and destructive. What is needed is a new relationship with the “small” self. She claimed our work is to develop an ego that is flexible and strong enough to surrender itself in service of the Divine.
This is right where Carol Ann’s Trinity of Egos both picks up and extends Jungian and eastern thought. Carol Ann names the three states of ego which are with us our entire lives: earthly ego, soul ego and Divine ego. As with all deepening and integrating spiritual work, there is transformation of all three egoic states when we live consciously. And every state belongs when in right relationship.
Replacing damning descriptors like “false self” helps remake our understanding of what’s at stake. We are born with an earthly ego. It is a part of what helps us live on this planet. It is the part of us that is animal, material, practical, and concerned with survival. It is not wrong, bad or evil at its core. Our often fragile and vulnerable earthly egos need our compassion and tenderness. When we make room for them in the inns of our hearts, they are transformed. We see them in the ‘Am-Bit' – trying to be invisible to be safe – trying to blend in, to sway like the grass and in doing so, they look to the heavens. Humbling. Exalting.
Like all trinities, our trinity of egos is dynamic. It's living and moving. We are not static beings. Our bodies-souls-spirits are always shifting in the currents of life. With practice and by grace, we can love our earthly egos enough that they happily make way for the soul ego and the Divine ego states. Each takes the lead for a time and then steps back to follow as we dance the astounding dance of being.
Lois Huey-Heck
is a spiritual director, author, artist, silent retreat leader and in this season of pandemic, a stay-at-home grandma and caregiver. In the midst of a four-generation family sandwich, she is finding surprising spiritual practices in the grounded earthiness of living close to home. Lois is a past program mentor of Pacific Jubilee SoulGuiding, past director of spiritual nurture at Naramata Centre and she enjoyed a 30-year tenure at Wood Lake Publishing. Read about Lois’ spiritual direction practice here.
Trinity of Egos
by Carol Ann Gotch
Illustrated by Lois Huey-Heck
Available from Inscapes
