Less Work and More Wonder
photograph by Julie Elliot
by Julie Elliot
Earlier this summer, it felt like my days were shrinking. I was working hard to cross off my to-do list and then turning around and making more lists. I felt depleted and stuck. Dried out. I thought I'd allow more balance in my life as soon as I was caught up; an illusion because I am never caught up.
Finally, one morning I “allowed” myself to go for a walk on the trail behind our house. This trail has cherry and apple orchards on one side and wild bush on the other. It’s peaceful, solitary, and beautiful. As I stepped outside, I looked up at the sky and said, "Blue sky. Light cloud. Thin sun." But soon after this fleeting moment of presence, I returned to busy thoughts of more: more work to finish, more art to make, more plans to initiate, and more research to do. My mood hadn't changed by the time I returned home. I still believed there was too much to do and too little time.
That evening, after an unexpected rainfall, I stepped out onto the deck and was surprised by the unmistakable fragrance of rain on dry land. Without thinking about it, I began to walk again on the same trail. This time, I stood still and listened to the rattle of aspen leaves in the wind – accompanied by bird song that was so lively and varied, it sounded like a full symphony. I rarely catch sight of a yellow bird but that evening, I saw three along the way and each one was different. I walked slowly. Savouring. Noticing. Sensing what was around me. Then straight ahead, a towering mock orange in full bloom. What a surprise! Its sweet perfume was overwhelming. I stepped over a shallow ditch to put my face in the soft petals and inhale the fragrance. Where had this beauty come from? How had I missed it earlier that morning?
What’s needed are eyes that focus with the soul.
What’s needed are spirits open to everything.
What’s needed is the belief that wonder is the glue of the universe
and the desire to seek more of it.
Be filled with wonder.
– Richard Wagamese
The trail was the same but my sense of wonder had come alive. I remembered what it's like to wander with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Like the land around me, my soul was replenished.
Later, I went back to photograph the blossoms (pictured above) to remember these important teachers. I continue to reflect on those two very different walks. I realize I'll always be someone who likes to work. It's part of who I am and it brings purpose, meaning, and creativity to my life. But I also need the “wild mock orange” to remind me there are treasures right outside my door when I pause, slow down, and open to wonder.
Recently, a dear friend sent me a poem aptly named, Off the Clock. This poem, by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, also helps me remember how I wish to live with both work and wonder watering my soul.
Off the Clock
I want to wake with no sense of what a minute is—
no watch on my hand, no dial on the wall,
no method to measure this life into units of should.
I want to lean into the spell of sunlight like orchids on the sill.
I want to be a question only the moment can answer,
want bergamot to tell me it’s time for tea.
And if there is a pressing yes, then let it find me.
Let me feel into the field of my upper back—
how spacious it becomes when I act with integrity.
Let me be rhythm of shadow and birdsong
let me be rising wind. Let me be time itself,
not the arrow of time, but the infinite sea
and the sand that slips and the silence that swells
in the absence of tick tick tick. I want to wake
to no hands but yours and mine. To be born into the day.
No was. No will. No once. No when.
No deadline. No finish line. No wrong date. No too late.
No too late. Not even a little too late. It would never be too late,Off the Clock by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer from All the Honey (Samara Press, 2023). Used with permission.
Julie Elliot
is a spiritual director, trained in the Pacific Jubilee SoulGuiding program. She is one of four program mentors in SoulGuiding. Julie is an artist, teacher, writer, and retreat leader. She also loves to garden and notices wild plants in bloom wherever she goes.
Read about Julie’s spiritual direction practice here.
