I see you. I hear you. I know you. I love you.
artwork by Julie Elliot
by Julie Elliot
In the movie Shall We Dance? a private detective asks Beverly (Susan Sarandon) why she thinks people get married. She answers, “Because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet. I mean what does any single life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything; the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things; all of it, all the time, every day. You’re saying, ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.’ “
I will be your witness. This strikes me as a powerful thing to hear and say. Of course, it can occur in any relationship not just marriage. And it’s not that we hear or say it but that we experience it with another person. I will listen to you. I will not judge you. I will accept you just as you are and not try to change, help, or fix you. I will be a witness in your confusion and clarity, your pain and joy, your grief and hope. Your life will not go unnoticed.
Witnessing is part of what I offer in spiritual direction. You tell me a story from your life that feels tangled and complicated. I listen. Sometimes this witnessing is all I do and it’s all you need. Together we witness what you are experiencing through your whole being: head, heart, and body. As I witness your story, there is less entanglement. There is a sense of stepping back and making space. And by making space for it all to be here, you feel less stuck. There is some kind of shift. Room is made for a new story to emerge and you feel lighter. Hope and possibility arrive – often with a sense of more freedom and choice.
Is this my definition of spiritual direction? I don’t think I’ll ever have a definitive answer, but I like coming across moments of understanding. This notion of witnessing is one of those moments.
Witnessing is to be seen and loved just as we are – in the messiness and wonder of being alive. It’s to know we’re held in Divine Love because we’ve tasted that love right here, in this moment, together.
Julie Elliot
is a spiritual director, trained in the Pacific Jubilee SoulGuiding program. She is one of four program mentors in SoulGuiding a two-year experiential learning program in the growth of Spirit, the love of soul, and the art of spiritual direction. Julie is an artist, teacher, writer and retreat leader.
Read about Julie's spiritual direction practice here.
