And she was there to listen
photograph by Trudy Grienauer
by Trudy Grienauer
“And she was there to listen.” During the days after Queen Elizabeth II’s death, this one simple sentence stood out for me from the many words I read on BBC. Royal correspondent Jonny Dymond [1] described the confidential relationship between Britain’s prime ministers and the Queen, and how she was “the one person to whom they could freely talk,” who provided relief and respite for them from the turmoil of day-to-day politics. He quotes the Queen saying, “They unburden themselves to me or tell me what's going on ... If they've got any problems, sometimes one can help in that way too" – help by just listening, by providing a space where a person can be open and honest.
In our fast-paced world, with distractions pulling at us from every direction, listening seems to be at risk of becoming a rare good. Any of us can probably recall instances of only having another person’s partial attention, and how different that feels from being listened to attentively. Leadership seminars are promoting listening skills, but employees will notice very quickly whether a manager is truly listening or merely going through the motions.
Buddhist mythology is filled with innumerable beings who listen. It is said that bodhisattvas reside throughout the cosmic spheres and the earth’s underground and listen to the cries of the world. They come forth when need arises, tend to what needs to be done, and depart unrecognized. In doing so, bodhisattvas are masters of skillful means – they don’t jump in with an agenda of fixing and saving, but have the wisdom and compassion to discern what is really needed. And what is really needed may well be doing nothing but listening and coming alongside.
In a modern understanding of the bodhisattva archetype, these beings are, of course, none other than us. Their hands, eyes, hearts and ears are ours. Whenever we are willing to respond with wisdom and compassion, to serve without a need for recognition, we are doing bodhisattva work. And there are multitudes of us, so many more than we can ever know. While we focus on a news cycle that can easily drive us to despair, there are people everywhere who are reaching out to each other in simple ways and lending a hand – or an ear. We can take heart in that and join in, and stop measuring our own contributions against unrealistic ideals.
While a highly visible person like the Queen or an experienced person like a spiritual elder can be an inspiration, we don’t need to be in any special position to offer our listening. We don’t need to be in a so-called helping profession or have a defined area of ministry. I work in information technology, and some of my most memorable conversations happened when I offered my presence to colleagues who were having a tough time or needed to get something off their chest.
Of course, learning to listen is at the very heart of Pacific Jubilee’s SoulGuiding program. I found immense benefit from being guided into deep listening to self and others throughout this experiential and integrative program. It gives me great joy to know that a new cohort of listening bodhisattvas is just starting out in the Prairie program, and others are discerning their participation in Pacific’s 2023 cohort.
And yet, with or without training, it is so simple. Pay attention, and you will notice when the need for your soul-full listening arises. Maybe it’ll be at work, at a bus stop, during a dinner party, with a friend on the phone, with a family member in the car. For a small amount of time, let go of your own agenda and listen. Offer your presence. Offer the profound relief that comes to one who is being listened to, simply and truly as they are.
[1] Death of Queen Elizabeth II: The moment history stops, by Jonny Dymond, BBC news, September 8, 2022 (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-59761477)
Trudy Grienauer
is a spiritual companion trained in the Pacific Jubilee SoulGuiding program. She has been a student of Zen Buddhism since 2005 and currently practices with Vancouver’s Mountain Rain Zen Community as a distance student. Trudy explores her creativity as a poet, photographer, cook, and choir singer. She draws inspiration from hiking and gardening.
Read about Trudy's spiritual accompaniment practice here.
