The Cloud of Unknowing

The Cloud of Unknowing

I have recently returned from an annual retreat called
Deepening
which I am so fortunate to be part of …
a group of Prairie Jubilee grads
who have been retreating together for five years
at the Sandy Saulteaux Spiritual Centre
in the deep of winter.
During this retreat
on our Day of Silence, I wrote the following
Cloud Prayer.

A bit of background:
‘The Cloud of Unknowing’ is a classic text on prayer
by Anonymous
and written centuries ago.
At a previous Deepening retreat, while naming and claiming
Archetypes
mine became ‘The Cloud of Unknowing’.
Those who have been with me in recent workshops
will hear a refrain from ‘Remember Who You Are’.
While on retreat, I got a cold.

*** ***** *

The Cloud Prayer

Morning
You, O trickster One, clouded the temple
and the priests fumbled their duties.
You, O clouded One, voiced ‘listen to him’
and his friends were terrified.
You, O nameless One, wore your cloud-cloak
and the complainers blindly followed.

They did not know what they were doing.
They did not know what they were hearing.
They did not know where they were going.

They did not know.

Your Cloud does that…
it hides the knowing.
But still … they kept on doing and listening and following.
O Faithful Ones from days gone by.

*** 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 … ready or not, here I come.

Come out come out wherever you are.

Come out come out

wherever
you are.

***
You gave me ‘The Cloud’ … I suppose I’m to be grateful
but
The Cloud wasn’t my deepest wish.
I wanted to aim true with clarity and insight.
How do you aim true when fogged in by cloud?

***

In ordinary time, I’m pretty quick … I’m able and stable … right?
But in retreat-Soul-growing-set-apart-extra-ordinary-time
when one might expect a WOW or at least a small aha
your Cloud descends.
Not able! Not stable! Not quick!
but then, not ordinary either.

Must admit … this annoys me.
Not my deepest wish.

***
Afternoon
OK … this week I realized
that I have JUDGED this image of you
this gift I was given and received
this YOU, more than image and real to me.
I have wanted you to be who I want you to be
not who you want to be, for me
so
I planted my judgement.
It’s in the ground.

***
The Cloud …
shall I start addressing you this way?
The Cloud and I ate together.
The Cloud and I rested together.
I got a cold and the Cloud was there
surrounding me
not with a perky ‘get up and dance – you are healed’
but with the billowy-pillowy softness of
here’s a tissue … blow.

Me and The Cloud … we spent the day together.
Outside, we found a dead cedar waxwing.
‘What happened?’ I asked The Cloud who remained silent
so I did too.
Inside I asked ‘do you have anything you want to tell me today?’
The Cloud remained silent
so I did too.
I had a shower and The Cloud joined me.
‘You look different in here’ I said, ‘warm and misty.’
I thought she might say something about how I looked
but The Cloud remained silent
so I did too.

***

When you’re not feeling well
it’s good to have a non-demanding companion …
a companion who simply
is
with you
and all around you.
A companion who
in ways unseen and not known
guides, through Silence
to Love

and the wish comes true.