Longing for Liberation: A Conversation Between two Friends
A Conversation about Miriam Frey’s newly published spiritual Memoir:
Longing for Liberation: A Journey From Religion to Faith as Seen Through the Enneagram
Longing for Liberation:
A Conversation between two Jubilee friends, Catharine Mitchell and Janet Bauman, about Miriam Frey’s new book
“This book was written for my own healing as I recalled and processed the experiences of my life.” (p. ix)
C: Janet, thanks for sitting down with me so that we could reflect together after reading Miriam Frey's new book: Longing For Liberation. Miriam opens her book by saying that it was written for her own healing, which involved a journey around processing the experiences of her life.
J: I can certainly understand how being part of a fairly closed community forced her into being a certain way, into a system, into a structure. In her writing, Miriam talks a lot about freedom, so maybe for her, a healing journey has been about finding the freedom to make her own choices, the freedom to relate to God in the way in which she wants to relate to God, and the freedom to dress and speak and act as she wants. So for her, finding healing was connected to finding freedom.
C: Yes, that makes sense. After all, the title is Longing For Liberation! I really got a sense of that longing, that yearning, through Miriam's description of her journey through the lens of the enneagram points. I love that this is something that we can all experience through our own lives, our own circumstances.
J: And yet, Miriam didn’t suppress this longing - somehow, she was able to live differently than those expectations dictated. I was struck by how she had this deep sense of connection to God from very early in her life.
C: And trusted it! That’s remarkable, given the context. Janet, as someone who grew up in Mennonite community herself and is now a Mennonite pastor, did you notice some resonances within as you read this spiritual memoir?
J: Absolutely, certainly around rule expectations for women and girls, modesty in terms of dress, behaviour, how you talked, and how you presented yourself. Conformity to the group is expected, not to cause waves or stand out, not to call attention to yourself. Pride and the need to be an individual were not accepted. Standing out as different from the group would be an example of pride. You know, I was reminded of those feelings of being limited and being frustrated by those limitations.
C: Somehow, having the enneagram presented through Miriam's stories really brought the way the enneagram symbol works closer for me. As former schoolteachers, you and I have always valued the use of exemplars for learning something. It would seem to me that for anyone who is wanting to either learn about the enneagram or deepen their understanding of it, this book is filled with examples. Examples of what it’s like to do enneagram work in the world rather than just lists of what each point represents. I found that very helpful. And each point had its own chapter.
J: I really liked Miriam's exploring, focussing on how each enneagram point resonated with her life story. It's tempting to just learn about the point you identify with yourself and ignore the rest. What Miriam shows is how each point can be a teacher on your spiritual journey. I really appreciated that, especially how at the end of each chapter, she summarized what she learned from the experiences which resonated with that point on the enneagram.
C: I think it was helpful how each chapter began by setting the theme and ended with spiritual practices which supported this part of her journey. And the sharing - I was very touched by the honesty and vulnerability with which Miriam presented her life experiences.
J: Yes, absolutely. Such courage. And I think maybe this was especially courageous in that Miriam came from a community where conformity is so much apart of the community identity. So for her to dare, to wrestle with what that felt like, then challenging it and sharing what it took to live life differently than what was expected - I think that took immense courage.
C: I noticed Miriam often spoke of paradox - the idea of how one thing can be true, and another is also true, and how tension is held between the two. As someone who has a deeper understanding than I have of what it might be like in a more traditional community, how might that tension between conformity and non-conformity appear?
J: Community is all about conformity in terms of dress and behaviour and theology, all those kinds of lifestyle choices - except these choices are not really given by the community. So as a faith tradition, Mennonites emphasize conformity within their community. The paradox is that they were a group that broke away from the Catholic and Protestant traditions in the middle ages, so really they’ve always been about nonconformity. It's so ironic. This conformity can be oppressive and limiting for people inside the community, especially women. For example, the dress code is much more restrictive for women than it is for men, so I think that living within the community limits women more than it does anyone else. I’m reminded of something that Marlene Epp said in her book Mennonite Women in Canada: A History:
“Mennonites believed that they should follow a lifestyle that was ‘nonconformed’ to the rest of the world…A popular phrase for this stance was “separation from the world”, a position deemed necessary for a truly holy and Christian life...Today the majority of Mennonites, except for those in Old Order and some other conservative groups, do not adhere to these obvious and outward forms of separation. Of course living in a manner that is explicitly nonconformed to the ‘outside’ world demands a certain degree of conformity ‘inside’ the community.” (Mennonite Women In Canada: A History, p. 181)
C: I find it interesting that Miriam's journey takes place partly within the wider of context of the Feminism movement of the 60s and 70s Even though a traditional community may have been insulated from that somewhat, it was still situated within the Zeitgeist of the day. Also, I'm reminded about something Miriam said in her introduction:
“I learned early in life that to survive in this rigid culture I had to pay attention to the unspoken expectations by watching and listening carefully. My senses were heightened as I attempted to keep the peace by living my family and faith community’s ideals.” (p. xv)
I am deeply aware of how this careful listening and watching would be valuable - though hard-won - tools for an eventual calling to step into the practice of spiritual companionship. It really resonated for me when I read Miriam's experience of attending her first Jubilee leadership event:
“They embodied compassion through contemplative, listening and encouraging words. We experienced gentle body movement together. It felt transformative to spend time with people who were non-judgmental and honoured my individual experience.” (p. 42)
J: Notice the "non-judgemental". In a closed community, judgment is there all the time because you are there in the conformity; as soon as you step out of that, you can see that you have crossed the boundary. And since Miriam's individuality would not have been welcomed and appreciated in a closed community, it's no wonder she noticed non-judgement.
C: Janet, this is a conversation between two friends about a book written by another friend. I'm wondering if we could spend a moment or two in sharing how we see Longing For Liberation as helpful for folks to read. I would certainly say that if someone was interested in learning about the enneagram, it’s a wonderful tool. The story really drew me in to look at the journey through the enneagram points. With so many real-life examples of how each point could manifest, I feel the book would be a great support for people who are ready for something to deepen their enneagram journey. Also, the feminist part of me is very aware of what it felt like to stand on the edge and to yearn to do your life differently than society expected. I think acknowledging feeling as if one is on the fringes would resonate for a lot of folks today, for a number of reasons.
J: I like how Miriam processed and presented her life through the lens of the Enneagram because it helped to explore her whole life with her spirituality in mind; it wasn’t just a biography of what she did and where she went; rather it was an exploration of her whole life including her spiritual journey, her inner journey, her psychological work, etc. I like that bigger picture of a life. I think I also see Miriam's work as a window into her community, what it might have been like for someone who felt like they couldn’t conform yet struggled to conform anyway, someone who felt like she was on the fringes. Then she also offers a window into what it’s like to be on the outside of that community. You know, I have so much compassion for Miriam when she shared her journey through the experience of feeling like she didn’t fit in. For anyone who at times experiences life this way, this would be a really comforting, encouraging, and inspiring book to read.
C: Absolutely! I think it really points to how inner work is never done - we continue to explore; we continue to unfold. There are always new things to learn and reflect upon. I really appreciated that Miriam gave the Void between Points Four and Five its own chapter. Looking at the Shadow is so very important for honest inner work. To look at and attempt to process Shadow is a daunting challenge indeed, yet it is vital in authentic spiritual work. And to then share that with others - I have been so touched by the deep humility in the writing.
J: I have great respect for Miriam as a teacher and so much esteem and regard for her wisdom and depth of knowledge. I also appreciate how this book was so relatable and human and real. I was just so amazed by what Miriam was willing to share, to be honest and authentic about. That helps me to appreciate her even more!
C: I agree! I must admit, I would really like to see another book from this author.
Janet Bauman is a Mennonite pastor and spiritual director.
Catharine Mitchell is a spiritual director and Program Coordinator for Ontario Jubilee.
