Don’t Tell Me - a reflection on spiritual direction
by Julie Elliot
Don’t tell me I shouldn’t be bothered by this.
I should let it go and move on. Don’t
tell me it doesn’t matter. I should
get a good night’s sleep,
eat better, get more exercise. Don’t think about it
and it will go away.
I’m angry and disappointed. I feel
it in my chest – a tightness – maybe
an ache and a longing. I can’t be sure
because you keep telling me to feel differently.
Be a bigger person – more
accepting – more understanding
more loving.
Just be more.
But I am this. This anger. This disappointment,
and as I let it be here
I see and feel and know it
in my body
and in my embrace, anger softens
disappointment opens onto a vast field of surprising
possibilities
I hold it all, tenderly, gently – saying yes
yes, you can be here.
Don’t tell me I should be different than this moment. And of course
I’m talking to myself.
I wrote this poem several months ago and share it today in response to a question I’m hearing a lot lately: What is spiritual direction? The poem wasn’t written to answer that question but I believe it illuminates something of what spiritual accompaniment is about.
Something powerful can happen when we trust our spiritual director to hear whatever we want to say. I know this from experience. As I speak my truth, my director asks questions to help me go deeper. I experience a shift into something new. Sometimes it’s an insight or new perspective. Sometimes it’s relief and peace. Other times I don’t know what’s changed but with Spirit accompanying us, I know I’m not the person I was when the conversation began. Grace is available when I know that no one (including myself) is saying I should be different. My spiritual director receives me and my story with love and non- judgement. It’s like saying ‘yes’ to all of my life. That kind of radical acceptance changes me. It makes me more available to myself, others and the world.
Julie Elliot
Julie Elliot is a spiritual director trained in the Pacific Jubilee SoulGuiding program. She is an artist, teacher, writer and retreat leader. Julie is one of four program mentors for SoulGuiding 2020-22. Read about her spiritual direction practice here.
